* How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

* Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

* Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

* Why do people without out a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?
 
* Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?

* Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

* Who is General failure and why is he reading my disk?

* The light went out, but where to?

* Why do banks charge you a "non sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

* Why is it you have a "pair" of pants and only one bra?

* Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?

* Why is the alphabet in that order?

* If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

* If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

* What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

* If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the other trees make fun of it?

* Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

* When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss??  It sounds like a near hit to me!!

* Do fish get cramps after eating?

* How come abbreviated is such a long word?

* Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

* If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

* Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

* Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

* If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

* When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

* Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a-door?

* Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

* How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

* Do infants have as much fun in their infancy as adults do in adultery?

* If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?

* Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

* How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

* Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

* Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

* Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

* Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

* Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

* Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

* Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

* What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

* Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

* If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

* Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

* Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

* Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?

* I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

* If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

* Isn't Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse?

* Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?

* Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

* Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

* War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.

* Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

* Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

* How do I set my laser printer on stun?

* How is it possible to have a civil war?

* If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

* If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

* If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

* If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

* If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

* If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

* If you ate pasta and anti pasta, would you still be hungry?

* If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

* Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

* Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?