THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE
 
  AGE     DRINK
  17         beer
  25         beer
  35         vodka
  48         double vodka
  66         Maalox
 
  SEDUCTION LINE
  17         My parents are away for the weekend.
  25         My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
  35         My fiancee is away for the weekend.
  48         My wife is away for the weekend.
  66         My second wife is dead.
 
  FAVORITE SPORT
  17         sex
  25         sex
  35         sex
  48         sex
  66         napping
 
  DRUG
  17         pot
  25         coke
  35         really good coke
  48         power
  66         coke, a limousine, the company jet
 
  DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
  17         "tongue"
  25         "breakfast"
  35         "She didn't set back my therapy."
  48         "I didn't have to meet her kids."
  66         "Got home alive."
 
  FAVORITE FANTASY
  17         getting to third
  25         airplane sex
  35         menage a trois
  48         taking the company public
  66         Swiss maid/Nazi love slave
 
  HOUSE PET
  17         roaches
  25         stoned-out college roommate
  35         Irish setter
  48         children from his first marriage
  66         Barbi
 
  WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
  17         25
  25         35
  35         48
  48         66
  66         17
 
  IDEAL DATE
  17         Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
  25         "Split the check before we go back to my place"
  35         "Just come over."
  48         "Just come over and cook."
  66         sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.
 
 
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  THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE
 
  AGE        DRINK
  17         Wine Coolers
  25         White wine
  35         Red wine
  48         Dom Perignon
  66         Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
 
  EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
  17         Need to wash my hair
  25         Need to wash and condition my hair
  35         Need to color my hair
  48         Need to have Francois color my hair
  66         Need to have Francois color my wig
 
  FAVORITE SPORT
  17         shopping
  25         shopping
  35         shopping
  48         shopping
  66         shopping
 
  DRUG
  17         shopping
  25         shopping
  35         shopping
  48         shopping
  66         shopping
 
  DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
  17         "Burger King"
  25         "Free meal"
  35         "A diamond"
  48         "A bigger diamond"
  66         "Home Alone"
 
  FAVORITE FANTASY
  17         tall, dark and handsome
  25         tall, dark and handsome with money
  35         tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
  48         a man with hair
  66         a man
 
  HOUSE PET
  17         Muffy the cat
  25         Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
  35         Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
  48         Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
  66         Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat
 
  WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
  17         17
  25         25
  35         35
  48         48
  66         66
 
  IDEAL DATE
  17         He offers to pay
  25         He pays
  35         He cooks breakfast the next morning
  48         He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
  66         He can chew breakfast